I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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