I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
