Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize