The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
