We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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