And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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