just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
