I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
