Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
