girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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