I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
