I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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