whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
