I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
