Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
