Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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