You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
