I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
