I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
