She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
