i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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