Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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