Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
