there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
