is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
