I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
