I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
