Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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