LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
