In the future we'll all be gay
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
