wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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