I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
