my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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