I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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