Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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