god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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