how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
