I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
