make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
