I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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