My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
