wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
