Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
