I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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