I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
