hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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