it's not cheating when I paid for it
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
