I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
