Did you just see the Batmobile???
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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