kristin has been a bad kristin
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
