You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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