i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just want cinnabon and vodka.