It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
