Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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