Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
