Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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