I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
