i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
