so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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