Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
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Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
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Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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