If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
