After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
